Jewish woman wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.
So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv, goes to the luggage rack, no dog. She goes to the lost and found, says, "Where's my dog?" They look all over the airport for it, and find the dog in another terminal. Only the dog is dead.
"Oh, my Gosh, they say, we killed this woman's dog. What are we going to do?"
Then one says, "Wait a minute, it's a cockerspaniel. They're common dogs.
There's a pet shop across the street from the airport. We'll get the same size, shape, color, sex. She'll never know the difference."
They bring the woman the other dog and she says, "That's not my dog." Laughingly and making light of it they say, "What do you mean that's not your dog?"
And she says, "My dog's dead. I was taking it to Israel to bury it."
Two Virginia hunters, Bob and Fred, were going on a hunting trip. They get to where they wanted to be and started walking.
After about a half hour of walking, they sit down and take a rest.
Bob says to Fred" I'm not feeling to good".
Fred says" well, we can walk back to the truck.
Bob says" yeah lets do that".
So they start walking. About 15 minutes into the trip, Bob falls over. Fred panics and calls 911.
The operator answers and says" 911, what's your emergency?"
Fred says "My friend fell over with a heart attack, I think he's dead, what do i do"?
Operator says, "Well first make sure he's dead".
Fred says, "Ok".
The operator listens and hears a BANG!!!
Fred gets back on the phone and says, "Ok. He's dead... now what?"
A man once heard of a Indian who had the best memory on earth so the man asked the Indian, "what he had for breakfast one year ago the Indian?" The Indian replied, "eggs!"
The man then said how on earth would you know that? That was a guess So he went away very angrily.
A year later he came back and saw the Indian at the airport walked up and greeted him by saying HOW, the Indian Said Scrambled.
Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
